The Christmas season is always full of feelings.
But now, there’s a growing awareness that not all of these feelings are good.
For those who aren’t feeling joyful and triumphant this time of year, an increasing number of churches across the suburbs are offering Blue Christmas services designed to support anyone dealing with loneliness, loss, grief or pain.
These services are “intended to be a moment to pause, come together and be real with your feelings,” said the Rev. Liz Patz, pastor of St. Paul’s United Church of Christ in Elgin. “It’s a service of song, prayer, quiet reflection — but really, it’s mostly togetherness. So people know, you’re not alone. It’s OK to feel what you feel. God is present.”
‘You can be honest’
Using the themes of darkness and light, Blue Christmas services often are scheduled around the winter solstice — the darkest day of the year, with the least daylight and the longest night.
Candles, poems, Scripture, silence and meditation are among the key elements of these contemplative services, which church leaders say can provide a comfortable space for those carrying difficult emotions.
“It’s just good to have a place where you can be honest that Christmas isn’t quite what you think it is, or that it’s challenging,” said the Rev. James Preston, lead pastor at Kingswood Church in Buffalo Grove, which has been offering an annual Blue Christmas service for more than a dozen years.
The lighting of candles and reading of Scripture are among the common elements of Blue Christmas services taking place across the suburbs for those dealing with grief, loneliness and pain during the holidays.
Courtesy of Kingswood United Methodist Church
“The holiday may not be what you need it to be, and it may not meet your expectations because of your loss and grief,” he added. “And that’s OK. God’s love still abounds, and you don’t have to have it all together in your life.”
Many of these services are small, quiet, intimate. Congregations will light candles in memory of loved ones, speak the names of those who have passed, reflect on readings, pray to themselves and sing in unity. Yet these symbolism-rich services are not exclusive. All are welcome, church leaders say.
In Des Plaines, the four congregations represented by the Des Plaines Clergy Alliance are hosting a Blue Christmas service at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church.
“We start in almost darkness. We light candles on the Christian theme of building light,” said the Rev. M.E. Eccles, pastor of St. Martin’s. “From the one light, it grows.”
Feelings of healing and hope also can grow during these services, pastors say.
“We recognize the struggle and the sorrow, but we also want to recognize that we have a God who loves us, who cares for us and who brings light into our struggle and our pain,” said Pamela Palmer, care ministry and groups pastor at Good Shepherd Church in Naperville.
Peaceful and quiet, the Blue Christmas service at Good Shepherd will allow people to “slip in and slip out without even being noticed” if that’s what they need, Palmer said. Participants also can move through stations afterward to place the name of a deceased loved one on a memory tree or fill out a prayer request.
‘Comfort of community’
Faith Covenant Church in Wheaton is offering a Blue Christmas service for the first time this year. It won’t be full of false optimism.
“We recognize that a lot of times, churches will gloss over grief or try to have a positive spin too quickly,” said Eliza Stiles, associate pastor of families and discipleship at Faith Covenant. “We’re hoping to provide a space where there’s not so much easy answers, but the comfort of community.”
The Rev. Liz Patz, pastor of St. Paul’s United Church of Christ in Elgin, will lead a Blue Christmas service at her church Tuesday. A growing number of suburban churches are hosting the services for people dealing with grief, loneliness and other struggles during the holidays.
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The service will include the opportunity to write the name of a specific person, problem or loss on an ornament for display on a tree in the church lobby, reminding the entire congregation “to hold space” in their hearts for those enduring tough times, Stiles said.
Even churches in the Catholic tradition are beginning to offer Masses that fit the Blue Christmas theme. The multi-parish Mental Health Ministry based at St. James Catholic Church in Arlington Heights is hosting one such Mass for the first time this year, followed by a community dinner.
Ministry member Tracy Sherva of Arlington Heights said the event — called A Mass for Comfort and Joy — will offer solace for anyone dealing with the “broader world of mental health concerns,” including grief, anxiety, depression, isolation or stress. People in the peak of these problems often don’t feel as connected to others — or to God, Sherva said.
“We wanted to offer a Mass to raise awareness to those struggles,” she said, “and to find a place for people to feel connected and offer that comfort and hope.”
St. Martin’s Episcopal Church in Des Plaines, will host “Blue Christmas: A Service of Darkness and Light” on Tuesday, Dec. 20.
Courtesy of St. Martin’s Episcopal Church
A faithful pause
The simple overwhelm of the Christmas to-do list is another feeling for which Blue Christmas services can be helpful, said Kingswood’s Preston in Buffalo Grove. A mindful and reflective evening can be just the right boost for someone feeling weary, he said.
“I think people just need a moment that’s not filled with everything that it possibly could be.”
Since Blue Christmas services coincide with the winter solstice, they also come shortly before Christmas and the religious celebration of Jesus’ birth. Knowing and believing the Christian message that Jesus was born into the world — and will come again — can help relieve pressure for those suffering this season, said Patz of St. Paul’s in Elgin.
“We can be together and acknowledge that God is present, that Christmas is going to happen; Jesus is going to be born. It is not dependent on you feeling like you have it all together,” Patz said. “You can just come and be yourself.”
Blue Christmas services like the one scheduled Monday at Kingswood United Methodist Church in Buffalo Grove often are intimate gatherings featuring candles, poems, Scripture, silence and meditation.
Courtesy of Kingswood United Methodist Church